Barry Goldstein | Gray Land: Soldiers On War

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Gray Land: Soldiers On War about the book

<em>Soldiers are citizens of death's gray land,<br/>
Drawing no dividend from time's to-morrows.<br/>
In the great hour of destiny they stand,<br/>
Each with his feuds, and jealousies, and sorrows.<br/>
--Siegfried Sassoon, <strong>Dreamers</strong></em>
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In early 2006, I began photographing and interviewing members of the army's 3rd Brigade Combat Team (3BCT) of the 3rd Infantry Division -- a group of 4000 soldiers, containing both infantry and armored battalions, stationed at Ft. Benning Georgia. In 2006, the 3BCT returned from a year-long deployment in Diyala Province, Iraq -- their second deployment since the start of the war. <em>(continued)</em>

I photographed and interviewed over 50 of these soldiers at Ft. Benning, GA, the National Training Center at Ft. Irwin, CA, and during two trips to FOB Rustamiyah (see my gallery: <em>Baghdad al-Jadida</em>). My intent is to convey the variety of faces and voices of those who serve. Full interviews can be seen in <strong>Gray Land: Soldiers on War</strong> (W.W. Norton, 2009.)

On 9/11, I was a fifth grade teacher. I believe as a teacher that a good learning environment is a safe learning environment... [So] I knew right then that I needed to do something more.

Ramadi taught me the true nature of war. I’d spent years studying war—its philosophy, rules—but war is ugly, chaotic, confusing. Everyone gets hurt. No one survives—because you’re not the same afterwards.

There is war in my head. Those of us who have been called to serve ... have set foot into rooms from which we may never leave, from which there is no exit strategy or back door.

I'd go out on long days, sweating, shot at, blown up. I'd call my husband to cry about it. When you're on deployment, your spouse is on deployment. It's a very tough job. If you drop that ball you screw up for both people.

How many people do you know who took a shit on Saddam's bed and pissed in the Euphrates?

And the soldiers are thinking -- 'I'm supposed to follow this guy's orders, but what kind of person is he? Is he a selfish person? Is he a liar? Is he a coward?' You never know.

The people back home, civilians, they can't possibly know what we have all been through together.

So, I said, well, if my children ever became sick, would a healthcare plan out there really take care of them? So, that's what kind of got me thinking that maybe the Army was a good idea.

When I joined I had four kids, so I felt that I could benefit more from being in the military because it's a steady job. [But] it just feels funny when you're gone so long without seeing your family, and then you see them and they look like strangers.

I have this list. I call it <em>Fallen Heroes.</em> Each name reminds me, not of what I've lost, but what I have–as a father, husband, soldier. But what is a soldier? His uniform? His stature? A soldier is a human being--one who has made a decision to sacrifice certain rights.

There's a generation of leaders that have gone to Iraq and fought and lost and shed blood and lost lives. And from that, I think, there will arise politicians that will see the big picture and not give a fuck about partisanship.

I guess that was the one thing I figured out early on. When it is your time, it is your time. And you can be doing everything right, when chance and opportunity meet, that's it.

Right now I'm about at the point that, if it's going to happen, let me be doing my job or doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

I was arrested by [Saddam's] people and spent one year in Abu Ghraib prison. It's hell. Saddam was killing our people everyday.

I started getting ulcers [but] I'm never going to tell them I can't do something. Even if it's probably not the best idea I go out that day, if I'm scheduled to go out I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it.

But there's a saying a lot of the infantry guys had that I worked with, that 'doc, if you are shooting we've got some real fucking problems'... because the guys I worked with were all like 'No, Doc, if I get shot I want you not dead.'

Then we hit the main highway into Baghdad. Five to six miles of burning cars and dead people. They were everywhere. It was the worst smell of my life.

It was hard because I felt like he was being standoffish. It was very hard.
I mean there's nothing I wanted more than to help him to try to overcome some of the stuff that he's going to have to deal with.

And the cab up here is just all on fire, it's cooking off rounds, and there's a man trapped underneath the frame of the truck... I think it was God's way of saying, 'You guys don't need to go any further down that road.'

I'm who they come to when they're hurt and bleeding, crying, in pain or depressed, so I take that responsibility seriously. But at the same time, you have to understand you can help them, but you can't protect them.

We're here to provide these people freedom and we're gonna be here until they get that. Hopefully great things will come of this, and it won't take 20 years.

All images and text copyright Barry Goldstein © 2011. Design by Ashley Pizzuti. Website by Karin Stack.